The Size
by Mrs. Singing Violin
Summary: Kathryn's finally ready, but there's a small problem. A parody set in late Season 7.


Title: The Size  
Series: Star Trek: Voyager  
Author: Singing Violin  
Rating: T  
Summary: Kathryn's finally ready, but there's a small problem. A parody set in late Season 7.  
Disclaimer: The Star Trek characters and universe are not mine. 

She'd waited long enough. Protocol seemed a distant concern; her needs had become paramount, and tonight, she would finally take what had been offered so many times before.

Suddenly, he stood naked before her, and she shivered with anticipation. Her eyes hungrily assessed him from the top down: his graying hair, his exotic tattoo, now familiar and comforting, his gorgeous brown eyes, his adorable dimples as he smiled at her, his firm jawline, his square shoulders, the beefy arms she loved to feel wrapped around her, two tantalizing nipples punctuating pecs she wondered if he could wiggle on command, his six-pack abs, a tuft of curly hair she imagined twisting idly between her fingers, the...

What was _that?!_

Despite herself, she began to giggle, and her hand flew to her open mouth before she finally caught her breath. "Oh, Chakotay, is that all you've got? Whatever did Seska see in you?!"

He gulped as his cheeks reddened. "Seska wanted power, and I never pegged you as the kind of woman who would care. You know what they say, "It's not the size, it's how you use it."

She shook her head, hand still covering her gaping jaw. "You need something to use," she pointed out, finally dropping her hand from her mouth. "I'm sorry, Chakotay, but I don't think I can work with that."

He nodded disappointedly, and suddenly, fire burned in his eyes. "You've been emasculating me for years, Kathryn; what did you expect?"

She cocked her head slightly and sighed. "Are you implying that I've made it shrink?" She fought the urge to break into giggles once again at the ridiculous implication.

"I don't know," he admitted, "but it used to be bigger. Doc thinks it might have something to do with all the leola root we've been eating; it's affected most of the men on the ship. Did you ever wonder why none of the women got pregnant except for B'Elanna?"

"Hmm," said Janeway, "I thought people were just being professional, and not dating around the workplace."

"They're dating all right," said Chakotay. Then he added bitterly, "Except me."

"Oh, Chakotay," Kathryn sighed sympathetically, raising a hand to rest flat against his bare chest. "I've never wanted you to be unhappy."

She looked up into his eyes, then moved her hand to her chin, turning away slightly as she stroked an imaginary beard before speaking again. "Have you considered dating Seven? She's been running holodeck programs with you as her romantic interest, and I'm sure she'd prefer the real thing. Plus, I'm quite sure she has no basis of comparison."

"Oh," he muttered, considering something. "Wouldn't the holodeck version of me be... better?"

Kathryn turned once again to face him, dropping her hand to her side. "She hasn't gotten far enough to see it unclothed, and she did program it herself, so who knows. But it's worth a shot."

He contemplated something else before speaking again. "How do you know so much about her holodeck experiences?" he asked pointedly.

She raised an eyebrow. "Captain's privilege. I'm sorry. But seeing as she's researching everything before she modifies her program, I urge you to act quickly, before she'll know what she's missing. I think she'll 'comply.'" She punctuated her words with air quotes.

"She is a fine-looking woman," he conceded. "But she's not you."

"I'm off the table, so to speak," she asserted. "I don't really know what I was thinking; this would have been a bad idea regardless. Can you imagine the gossip around the ship, and the complications for the Maquis if we ever return to the Alpha Quadrant? Not to mention the complications in our working relationship should anything go awry."

"I was wondering what made you suddenly change your mind," he pointed out.

"A lapse in judgment, which you have saved me from once again." She sighed contentedly and smiled sweetly at him. "You may not be a suitable lover, but you're a good friend, and a fine first officer, Chakotay. Never forget that."

"Thank you, Captain," he uttered awkwardly, suddenly painfully aware of his undressed state.

Noticing his discomfort immediately, she tossed him his clothes, which he began to put on at once.

"If you choose to pursue a relationship with Seven of Nine," she told him as he dressed, "you have my blessing."

He looked up as he slipped on a boot and nodded up at her. "Aye, Captain."


End file.
